Learning to Love

The title might be misleading.

You see, I’m learning to love someone in particular. The one person who has always been, in my eyes, unlovable.

That person is me.

My entire life, I was convinced that I was nothing – unimportant, unwanted and unlovable. I was convinced I wasn’t pretty, and wasn’t good at anything I wanted to do. I was always social and (seemingly) confident, which stemmed from a real desire to make other people happy and make other people like me. I didn’t care how happy I was – just that the people around me were happy.

As I began to see myself as others did, I was very susceptible to bullying and the depression that goes with it. And I dealt with that a lot.

I was bullied right up to my senior year, and only got some relief after I moved out of state to go to college. I could be anyone I wanted at that school because no one else from my graduating class was going there.

And I began to change once I arrived. The school was situated in such a place that I had to do a lot more walking than I was used to – and that led me to start losing weight, which was awesome.

As that happened, I became more comfortable wearing tighter, more unique outfits. And I stopped wearing makeup because it was just too much to deal with before class – especially early morning classes.

And eventually, I grew to (kinda) like the girl I saw in the dorm room mirror. Which was really something special.

And today I got contact lenses, allowing me to interact with the world WITHOUT a big purple thing on my face.

And as I did my makeup before heading into the newsroom, I thought to myself, “Wow, she’s actually really pretty. I’M actually quite pretty!”

Finally considering myself pretty after 19 years MADE MY DAY.

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